Trick or Not So Much a Treat

     I have never really cared for Halloween much in the past, and this year isn't much different.  The only thing I really have enjoyed the past 2 years is picking out a costume for Cam and then taking pictures of him in it.  I was so looking forward to this year when we were going to have two little boys that we were going to dress up and attempt taking pictures with.  I thought about how I could do costumes that were the same theme now and how cute they would be in pictures together. {sigh}

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     It was the first week in August and we had just come back from living in Fort Peck/Lustre for the month of July.  I was wandering the aisles at Costco with Cameron and noticed that they had already put out baby costumes for Halloween.  Seriously people?...in August?  Oh well, they were so cute and I snatched one up immediately of a tiny little cow that would be perfect for when Blake was about 3 months old.  I kept wandering the aisles and I'm sure Cam and I even ate some samples from the nice workers there.  Then for no reason that I could explain I decided I didn't want the costume anymore and brought it back over and hung it on the rack where I found it.  I didn't think anymore more about it and decided I would have plenty of time to find another costume for Blake.  This was only days before Blake joined us. 

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     The day after Blake passed Randy and I found ourselves at Costco picking up pictures we had developed of Blake to display at his memorial.  When we left the store, I started crying when I remembered that I had picked out a costume for him and then put it back without purchasing it.  I had thought there wasn't a reason at the time, but now I kind of feel like maybe God was telling me that I really didn't need to buy it.  He already had something greater in mind...this Halloween Blake was going to be an angel instead. 

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     It's been a daily battle for me, but I am choosing to be thankful for the small things like the fact that I don't have that little costume here at the house where I have to look at it and be reminded that Blake will never wear it.  As a good friend has told me, it's God's mercies that get us through.  I think I could dedicate an entire post to just the mercies/blessings I've seen during the 9(ish) months and 3 days we were blessed with Blake's presence.  And maybe I will, so stay tuned. :)

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     I wanted to end with some pictures of Cameron over the last couple years because I just love this kid and am proud to be his Mommy.

Pepe Le Cameron 2008

Randy the Referee 2009



Geoffrey the Giraffe 2010


     Randy and I will probably be taking Geoffrey out tomorrow for some candy.  So maybe I will post more pictures of him out in the wild. 


For now check out how vicious this wild animal is!...

I also made the mistake of telling him to "bust a move"....

A little more dancing, this time "the robot".....

All that dancing makes a giraffe sleepy!



Twins 2.5 Years Apart?!?

     The following pictures bring me so much joy.  The side-by-side pics below were taken the same day.  We had our ultrasound where we found out we would be adding another BOY to the family (Mommy was in shock) and the technician captured this beautiful profile shot of little Blake.  The photo was taken that evening of Cameron while he was watching the Globetrotters at the fieldhouse here in Bozeman.  I was trying to get a good shot of him taking in the action, and just so happened it was also a profile shot.  Later that week I was looking at the ultrasound pic and started wondering if the boys had any similarities.  So I put them side-by-side with my picture editor and low and behold they pretty much had the same adorable profile....SEE! 

BLR                                                 CKR

      This next combo is one that I put together while I was going through old pictures of Cameron in the weeks following Blake's passing.  I saw this one of Cameron with Randy and it startled me how much he looked like Blake in one of the few photos we have of him.  It was a huge blessing to be able to see the strong resemblance in these two boys.  Randy and I take comfort in knowing that if we are ever curious what Blake would look like all we have to do is take a look at our handsome C-man. :)

CKR (top)      BLR (bottom)

     I thank God for making me the Mama to the most beautiful little boy in Heaven and the most beautiful little boy on Earth.  Oh and my hubby isn't too bad to look at either. ;)

Photos To Be Treasured

In the days following Blake's death we were flooded with e-mails, cards, letters, flowers, food, family and friends.  One of my good friends (who also happens to take beautiful photos) e-mailed and asked me if there was anything she could do for me, just to let her know.  We heard people say that alot, and it's hard to be able to let go of your pride and let people take care of you.  I was feeling sad that all of the beautiful flower arrangements that people had sent us would not last until we returned from Blake's Lustre memorial, so I realized the best thing to do would be take pictures of everything we could.  I wasn't feeling up to the task and I knew I wanted the pictures to reflect the beauty that had filled our house.  So I called on that friend of mine who had taken pictures of Cameron and our family over the last 2 years.  I had been planning to have her come anyways for newborn photos of Blake within the first week of his life.  It was bittersweet to still have her come to our home and take photos, but instead it was under such heart-breaking circumstances.  She of course said she would come right over and capture these gifts for us.  I love how they turned out and am so thankful that she blessed us with her God-given talents so we can forever enjoy the flowers that were sent to us in those first couple days.  Here are a few of her photos for you to enjoy...

Thank you Deea for sharing your gift of photography with us over the past 2 and a half years.  We love you.

If you want to see more of her work you can check out her site.  You just might recognize a cute little chubby boy in some of her albums.

A Walk To Remember

We were able to join with others who have had miscarriages/stillbirths/infant deaths in Bozeman at the 3rd Gallatin Valley Infant Memorial Walk.  This year it was held at the hospital here in Bozeman.  We were so blessed by everyone that came to support us at the walk.  We had everyone from both sides of our families here for the weekend and everyone joined in the walk.  Our church family also showed their love in a huge way by cancelling church for that morning so that anyone that wanted to attend would be able to.  It was really a special day.  A couple things that stick in my mind from that day.......

When we pulled up to the hospital and were getting ready to get out of the truck, Cameron said, "BABY!"  Neither Randy or I had said anything about it to Cam that morning.  We're convinced he is so much more aware about what happened in our family than what we give him credit for.  He may be only 2 and half, but he knows something has happened and that something made his Mommy and Daddy very sad.

The other thing that was so special to me was how many balloons were released in honor of Blake.  They took time to read each baby's name and as the name was read, that baby's balloons were released.  Here is a picture of some of Blake's balloons floating into the heavens.

Here's another shot of them further up in the sky...

Here is a picture of Randy and I with our red eyes and tear-stained faces.  It's the look I've been going for lately.

And here is one of my favorites from the day...

Big Brother with his Little Brother's balloon. 

Thanks everyone for being there for us and for making this day so special.  We love and miss you little Blake...you are always about half a second from my thoughts every minute of every day.

Oh yeah, and it was also this guy's birthday....(10/10/10!)

Happy Birthday Dad!  Thanks for spending your day with us remembering your grandson.  We love you.

Big Brother is getting to be a Big Boy!

So this post is kind of old news, but the pictures to go with I just love.  When we got back from staying in Fort Peck, we could NOT find Cam's pacifier anywhere.  He had gotten to the point of wanting only a certain blue one, and as we unpacked the car and settled in at home, it got misplaced somewhere in our house.  Honestly!...Randy and I didn't sneak it into the garbage or anything. :) So we thought, oh great, here we go...I volunteered to sleep with him in his room because we had already had a pacifier fiasco while staying in Fort Peck and it wasn't pretty.  I knew Randy needed some rest so he could function at work the next day.  So after we spent the evening searching the house for it and telling Cam to help us look, we explained that it was gone and we couldn't find it.  Of course he cried his eyes out.  I felt pretty bad for him because this is something he had been incredibly attached to for almost 2.5 years.  Yeah, I know what you're thinking....wasn't it about time?!?  I guess so.  We got him ready for bed that night and Randy came in his room as I was going to lay down with him.  Cam was crying for his paci and Randy said, "hey buddy, do you want to pray?".  Cam could barely answer, but he did say a really pathetic, "yeeaaah".  So Randy said a simple little prayer for him and us.  Cam settled down enough to go to sleep and he didn't even wake up in the middle of night! 

Here he is during his 1st nap "pashee" free...sleep lines and everything.

He asked me for his "Pasheee" for a few days after, but I kept reminding him that we didn't know where it was.  He was okay with it, and I was okay telling him that because we really didn't know where it was.  It's somewhere in this house hidden really well.....it's been 2 months and I have not seen it yet.  It was great timing and just in time for him to be a Big Brother.  I can't speak for my parents, but it must have been nice to take care of Cam those few days while we were in the hospital and not have to worry about where his "blue tooth" (as my Dad calls it) was.  He also is just so much cuter without it...you can see his adorable little smile so much better. :)

Here is the post-nap picture from the same nap...blurry because he wouldn't stop moving.

Yes, that big red mark is actually his handprint.  He had slept so hard you could actually see the imprints of his fingers smushed into his forehead.  I was trying to hold back the giggles when I took this picture.  Man I love this kid!