A Dream

***this post was written on 11/10/10***

Last night I had a dream.  I don't have dreams.  I can't even remember the last time I had one.  I used to have dreams but could never remember what they were about once I was awake....this one I remember.  In the middle of the night I woke up from it and felt really peaceful.  The dream itself doesn't totally make sense, but I thought I would share it anyways because it made my heart smile.

I had been driving across town in our car and had pulled over to the side of the street and had fallen asleep.  I know it's weird already, but stay with me... :) I was sitting in the car and in a really deep content sleep and in my arms was a baby boy all wrapped up in a blanket, sleeping also.  It was peaceful and beautiful, but soon I heard Randy's voice calling to me and others saying my name.  I had this feeling that they must have been searching all over for me and were pretty worried.  They were telling me to wake up and it took them a while for me to wake, because I didn't want to let go of that feeling and mostly I didn't want to let go of the little boy.  When I finally awoke in my dream, I woke up in real.  At first I had thought "whoa, that was so real and if it was...was I holding Cameron or who was it?"  But I remembered it was a baby boy wrapped in a blanket (something Cam has gotten way too big for!) I realized it was Blake I was holding in my dream.  I felt so close to Blake right then and am thankful for the chance to hold him again even though it was only in my dreams, because for now that will have to do.

I don't know what to think of it all.  Sometimes my life feels like a dream.  The day we lost Blake felt like a dream, the worst chapter in the story of my life.  I still can't wrap my head around it, but the little gifts like this dream help ease the pain a tiny bit.  I don't want to ever forget it. 

Dear Blake,

You would be 3 months old today.  I would be taking pictures of you to put in a frame to show everyone how much you grew the 1st year of your life.  I would probably be stressing about whether you are eating enough or if you are eating too much.  It seems silly now to worry about things like that.  

Your brother and I made a snowman for you yesterday.  We had a snowball fight when we were finished.  Cam loved it! 

We like to talk about you during the day and we think of you all the time even while we sleep.  It was nice to hold you again.  I miss you, but you knew that.  All my love...your Mommy   

Family Photo with a Twist

     Before you go and think that I'm super creative you should know that I stole this idea from someone else's blog.  I think they had a different set up, but it's the same idea.  Anyways, I've been wanting to get a photo like this for a long time and finally did it today.  I kind of like how it turned out.  I'm glad you can't smell through the internet, because those little converse shoes STINK! :) And yes, those adorable little booties are Blake's.  He never got to wear them, so they are still as perfect as the day I bought them.  Perfect just like him. 

Blake's Bands

Ever since the day we lost Blake, Randy had been talking about how he wanted a band similar to his hospital bracelet that he could wear all the time to remember our little boy.  I wasn't sure if I would be able to find something he would like (those of you who know Randy know he can be kinda picky).  So in the meantime, we took photos of our wristbands from the hospital and wore them up until the point where they could barely be read anymore. 

Randy's actually came off while he was working up at the farm where it had caught on something and ripped.  With mine I was able to slip off my wrist and keep it for Blake's memory shadowbox.  We also have Blake's tiny ankle bands that match ours.  I researched on Etsy for different bracelet ideas and found one that was simple enough for Randy to wear.  It was a narrow leather band with "Blake Lucas Reddig" and "8.10.10" stamped into it.  You can see the backside of it in this photo below...


photo by Fry Photography

  Randy wore it all the time, but kept talking about how he didn't want it to get ruined and it was too nice to wear everyday....so, back to the internet.  I ended up finding a site that lets you pick whatever you want for a silicone band and creates them for you.  So I ordered enough for both of our families in all the sizes available.  I was so excited to find that they had children sizes, so Cameron can even rock one of the bands.  He usually leaves his on for most of the day, but I always end up finding it on the floor somewhere after he has successfully wriggled out of it.  It's been such a cool way to remember Blake.  I love wearing mine. 

P.S.  Sorry if you are a sibling reading this and still don't have one....I am kinda lazy and just haven't gotten around to mailing them yet.  But don't worry, you will be getting one. :)